i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
