somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
