I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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