the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
