I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
