I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
