Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
