i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
