id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
