Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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