we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just had sex on a roof
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
