you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
