But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
