yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
