i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
