i love accidental penises.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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