I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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