Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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