Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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