I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
