I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
