I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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