Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
