just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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