Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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