Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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