i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
