Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
