I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
