o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
