Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
