She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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