I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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