eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
