I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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