brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
