So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
