He disabled his match.com account in front of me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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