i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
