I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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