My friends, they love my intelligence
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
