Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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