I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
