I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
