But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
