careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
why is half of my head shaved?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize