Are we in a gay sports bar?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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