All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
