Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize