I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
