I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
