apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
