we're blogging at a bar
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
