I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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