I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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