His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
do nipples grow back?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
