I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
