dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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