Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
