oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
