Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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