I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
