Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
