we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
