he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
