I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
