I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
