yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
