Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
