Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
