I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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