i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
