If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
