What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
