I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
