Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
