Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
