Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
