Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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