we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
